


EPISODE SIX: "She Deserves To Feel Like She’s Worth Something"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Two [7]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Jewish Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, Episode 6, F/F, F/M, Gen, also one direction, forgot james was arab sorry lads :(, james talks about religion and his relationship with it, skam season 2, they do a sports lads!, tony noms are mentioned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Liz Tudor is stressed out. Between studying for her GCSEs, her pressuring parents, stealing glances at girls across hallways and her friends never really understanding her, she has a lot on her plate.That's not even to mention everything going on inside her head.Liz just want perfection in everything - her grades, her looks, her life - and she'll get it, whether everyone likes it or not. However, James Cohen seems to like it a bit too much.FIRST CLIP: Meaning For All Of The Chaos





	1. CLIP ONE: "Meaning For All Of The Chaos"

**SATURDAY, APRIL 27TH, 09:47**

 

INT. JAMES’S BEDROOM, JAMES’S HOUSE

 

JAMES and LIZ lie opposite each other in JAMES’s bed, JAMES asleep on the right side as LIZ lies awake on the left, watching him with a calm smile.

 

After several long moments, JAMES slowly opens his eyes and sees LIZ, who looks away quickly, up at the ceiling. JAMES smile widely at her.

 

JAMES  
Morning. Were you… watching me sleep?

 

LIZ  
What? No, ew, don’t be gross.

 

JAMES laughs and stretches.

 

JAMES  
Okay.

 

He yawns and LIZ finally looks at him, smiling.

 

He smiles back and they stare at each other for a moment.

 

LIZ  
Did you have a good sleep?

 

JAMES  
Yeah. Best sleep I’ve had in a while. Well, two weeks, but still.

 

They both laugh a little, LIZ looking embarrassed.

 

LIZ  
Cool.

 

JAMES  
I dreamt about you, you know.

 

LIZ raises her eyebrows.

 

LIZ  
Oh?

 

JAMES  
Yeah, I dreamt you told me that you liked me back and you kissed me and it was so, so nice… and then I woke up, and you’re here! My dream came true!

 

LIZ laughs shortly, shocked and deeply touched by this as JAMES smiles widely.

 

JAMES  
You really like me!

 

LIZ  
Yeah, I do.

 

JAMES  
It’s so cool! You’re in my _bed_!

 

LIZ  
Haha, yeah… But we’re not going to be doing anything, okay?

 

JAMES nods.

 

JAMES  
Okay.

 

LIZ  
Is… Is that it? You don’t want an explanation or anything?

 

JAMES  
Nope. It’s cool.

 

LIZ  
Oh, okay… Um, you know, most people say they’ll wait until marriage, but I don’t ever want to get married.

 

JAMES looks a bit disappointed.

 

JAMES  
Oh? Why not?

 

LIZ  
Because! Because it’s a sexist and demeaning tradition that making everything about religion and glorifies the ownership of women.

 

JAMES laughs nervously.

 

JAMES  
I-- I don’t know. I think it would be nice, you know? To have that connection with someone?

 

LIZ  
Wow. I would _not_ have expected that from you, Jason.

 

JAMES  
You know that’s not my name, Elizabeth, come on.

 

LIZ laughs.

 

LIZ  
Oh? Isn’t it? Oh no.

 

JAMES joins in the laughter, reaching out to touch her, but pulls back at the last second as she keeps laughing.

 

LIZ  
That’s so embarrassing, here I was, thinking your name was Jason the whole time!

 

JAMES  
Come on…

 

LIZ  
Sorry, Jason.

 

They both keep laughing, and then slowly ease out of it, staring at each other for another few moments.

 

JAMES then looks past LIZ and out the window.

 

JAMES  
Hey, do you want to go for a walk?

 

LIZ  
Exercise? In the morning? Are you a crazy person?

 

JAMES  
Come on, just one little walk. For me?

 

He pouts and she laughs.

 

LIZ  
Okay, James.

 

JAMES gasps and smiles.

 

JAMES  
You said my name! You can say my name! Wow!

 

LIZ laughs and kisses him, both of them smiling, as the scene fades away, _“Perfect” by One Direction_ beginning to play.

 

EXT. STREET

 

LIZ and JAMES walk down the street in slow motion together, subtly holding hands, talking silently.

 

They continue to do so for a good amount of time, laughing occasionally and never once stopping smiling.

 

Eventually, they reach a bench and sit down, the speed going back to normal and the music fading out.

 

JAMES  
Hey… Can I be real with you for a second?

 

LIZ  
Yeah, of course.

 

JAMES stops smiling, and so does LIZ, as she suddenly looks very worried.

 

JAMES  
I… I don’t mean to be like this, but what you said about religion earlier… Well, it kind of hurt my feelings.

 

LIZ’s eyes widen.

 

LIZ  
Shit, sorry. I didn’t know you were Muslim.

 

JAMES sighs.

 

JAMES  
I’m not. I’m Jewish.

 

LIZ  
Oh. Um… Cool?

 

JAMES  
Look, I get that you’re an atheist, that’s cool, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be a dick to me about being religious.

 

LIZ  
Okay, yeah. But can I ask a question?

 

JAMES sighs again.

 

JAMES  
Okay.

 

LIZ  
Why are you? I mean, why do you choose to be religious?

 

JAMES thinks for a few moments, and then speaks, LIZ watching enraptured throughout.

 

JAMES  
Every day, there’s a million thoughts in my head. Dumbass questions, quotes, lyrics, all of that shit. It never stops, it’s so… Shit, what’s the-- Chaotic, that’s it. Chaotic up there. But… When I pray, it’s like everything becomes clear and quiet and just… nothing else matters. Just me and Hashem. And that’s what really matters to me. It’s like, everything is okay when you can look at the big picture and know that there’s some sort of meaning for all of the chaos.

 

LIZ nods, pausing for a moment.

 

LIZ  
Yeah… I think I get it. I feel the same way when I play piano or research some biology. I mean, it’s obviously not the same, but…  Did you know that the brains of cockroaches - I know they’re awful, but keep with me - have _nine_ different types of molecules for antibiotics, that are stronger than any penicillin we have today? Like, fucking cockroaches? It's just that… Every little part of the universe is so goddamn complex, I love to think about it. Because… Even the brains of cockroaches have this big importance and meaning on earth. Everything does, every single detail.

 

JAMES  
Wow, I really did not know that. Probably because I’m shit at science.

 

They both laugh a little.

 

JAMES  
But… When I hear stuff like that, I just… I can’t believe that all of this was a coincidence.

 

LIZ  
Yeah… I never thought of it like that before.

 

JAMES smiles. He reaches over to a bush near him, and picks a flower. He hands it to LIZ, who accepts it, smiling widely.

 

LIZ  
Hey, did you know that--

 

She’s cut off by her phone ringing in her pocket. She sighs and takes it out.

 

LIZ  
Sorry.

 

She answers it.

 

LIZ  
Hello?

 

VICTORIA [O.S.]  
Elizabeth? Where the fuck are you?!

 

LIZ  
What? Oh, shit, I forgot. I stayed with a friend last night, after the party, sorry.

 

VICTORIA [O.S.]  
Thanks for telling us.

 

LIZ  
Sorry, Mother.

 

JAMES frowns as he watches LIZ talk.

 

VICTORIA [O.S.]  
You have to come home. Now.

 

LIZ  
Yeah, of course. Why?

 

VICTORIA [O.S.]  
We need someone to watch Mary.

 

LIZ sighs.

 

LIZ  
Of course. See you in a few minutes.

 

VICTORIA hangs up and LIZ sighs, standing up.

 

LIZ  
I have to go and watch my sister.

 

JAMES  
Oh, okay… Can I come?

 

LIZ  
My parents would freak the fuck out if they saw you.

 

JAMES  
Oh. Yeah. See you later?

 

LIZ  
See you later.

 

LIZ walks off, dropping her flower as she does.

 

JAMES picks it up and holds it, watching her leave.


	2. CLIP TWO: "Some Stupid Shit"

**MONDAY, APRIL 29TH, 09:19**

 

There are some shots of BACA’s football field, with guys running around on it.

 

INT. GYMNASIUM, BACA

 

The gym is full of about thirty girls all doing sit ups. In the top right corner, the GIRL SQUAD are doing theirs as the teacher walks past. As soon as the teacher turns and leaves, BRIANNA, ESTHER and LIZ stop, either lying down or sitting up properly. SANDY and RORI keep going.

 

BRIANNA  
Jesus Christ!

 

ESTHER  
Why…? Why do we have to do this?

 

LIZ shrugs, too out of breath to respond.

 

SANDY  
It’s just some exercise, it’s not bad for you.

 

RORI  
[panting] It's actually good for you! Right, Liz?

 

LIZ nods, a bit hesitant, as they all go silent for a bit, SANDY sitting up properly as RORI keeps going.

 

SANDY  
Hey, I heard from Sophie that there was another fight yesterday, do any of you know anything about it?

 

ESTHER sighs at the mention of SOPHIE, and SANDY nervously laughs.

 

BRIANNA  
Yeah, it was James and Bryan - I know, shocking - and--

 

ESTHER  
Do we have to always talk about that? The guys fight over some stupid shit, it always happens. There’s no point talking about it, it just gives them the attention they want.

 

SANDY  
It’s… It’s not “some stupid shit”, it’s fucking… Fuck.

 

BRIANNA  
I mean… When have men done anything good ever?

 

RORI sits up properly to speak.

 

RORI  
Nick was really nice at the party on Friday! He gave me a ride home and everything!

 

BRIANNA nods, looking a bit annoyed.

 

RORI  
He’s nice, I like him.

 

SANDY wiggles her eyebrows, trying to diffuse the tension.

 

SANDY  
Oh?

 

RORI  
Not like that! Well… I don’t know.

 

BRIANNA  
Fun times!

 

BRIANNA takes her phone out of her pocket and begins to scroll, LIZ looking around the room at the rest of the girls, nervously biting her lip.

 

BRIANNA  
Fuck.

 

LIZ looks back at her.

 

LIZ  
What’s wrong?

 

BRIANNA  
Someone tagged me in this meme on Insta and just… Fuck, it’s a fucking account called “brianna_the_slut”, that’s original.

 

SANDY  
Report it!

 

BRIANNA  
That’s what they want… I’ll just chill. It’s usually better not to say anything, right?

 

ESTHER looks like she’s about to speak, but she doesn’t.

 

LIZ looks down, thinking about something, as the teacher turns around.

 

BRIANNA puts her phone into her pocket and all of the girls resume their sit ups, LIZ groaning as she does.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Tell Me More"

**TUESDAY, APRIL 30TH, 15:17**

 

INT. STAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

 

The cast of _Grease_ \- JAMES, RORI, BRIANNA, NICK, JAKE, JON, RORY, JORDAN, TARA, SOPHIE, NURSE STENBERG, WREN, ESTHER and several people we don’t know - sit on the stage, all holding scripts, as ESTHER speaks.

 

ESTHER  
Okay, so we’re just going to read through the script and listen to the songs today. You can sing along, if you like, the words are in the script. And, uh, you probably know them anyways, so… Let’s get started.

 

They all open their scripts and begin to read as the camera pans around to the back of the theatre, where SANDY and LIZ are sitting in the back row, several binders in front of them.

 

LIZ  
You’re still cool with doing the sets?

 

SANDY nods, looking at the stage.

 

LIZ  
Good, good… And Brianna’s on costumes?

 

SANDY nods again.

 

LIZ  
Okay… Um, I think there’s some old stuff backstage from old shows that we could borrow or something?

 

SANDY  
Yeah, sounds good.

 

LIZ looks at SANDY for a moment, and then back at her open binder.

 

LIZ  
Hey… Are you okay?

 

SANDY finally looks at LIZ.

 

SANDY  
What?

 

LIZ  
You just… seem a little zoned out.

 

SANDY  
I-- I’m fine. Just… I forgot something! That’s it! Um, Esther arranged for those Varndean kids to come film rehearsals. For the film they always do for the leavers at the end of the year, you know?

 

LIZ  
She never told me about this?

 

SANDY  
Yeah, she didn’t want to upset you.

 

LIZ scoffs, as SANDY stands up.

 

SANDY  
I’m gonna go look at those set things now. Just… I’ll text you if I need anything. Is that okay?

 

LIZ  
Yeah, I guess.

 

SANDY nods, and walks away, as LIZ closes her binders, stacking them up on the chair SANDY had sat on.

 

She turns on her phone and opens the camera, looking at herself on it.

 

She glances up and sees JAMES, who’s smiling at her, as _“Summer Nights” by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John_ begins to play, everyone on stage singing along, most of them awkwardly, some of them even dancing.

 

She smiles nervously back, and looks at the rest of the cast members, mostly the women.

 

ESTHER looks back at LIZ, and then at JAMES, smiling like she knows something, as LIZ quickly looks at BRIANNA, focusing on her face.

 

She looks back at herself in the mirror, and takes some lipstick out of her bag, putting it on.

 

She smiles nervously at herself, and then there’s a cough from behind her. She turns her phone off quickly and turns around to see ELEANOR and ALI, ALI holding a very nice looking video camera and looking at the stage as ELEANOR smiles fakely at LIZ.

 

LIZ  
Oh. Hi.

 

ELEANOR  
Hi, we’re here to… assist you?

 

LIZ nervously laughs.

 

LIZ  
Yeah, I literally just heard. Um… Are you just gonna start filming or…?

 

ELEANOR  
Oh, yeah! I mean, it’s really nice, being able to see such an amateur production, since I’m so used to more… professional things.

 

She laughs, ALI nervously laughing along as LIZ smiles, looking like she wants to die.

 

ELEANOR  
Well, we’ll just set up and get out of here as soon as possible. We have rehearsals later, don’t we?

 

ALI nods, looking at all of the binders next to LIZ.

 

ALI  
Is-- Is that all for the show?

 

LIZ  
Mostly. I mean, there’s sheet music, Esther’s notes, but I also brought some homework just in case, as well as a planning binder for all future rehearsals, and taking notes of everything that happens here.

 

ALI  
Wow, that’s so impressive.

 

LIZ genuinely smiles as ALI nervously smiles back.

 

ALI  
Um, Ellie, can I go film now?

 

ELEANOR  
Yeah, go ahead, I'll check the Tony noms while you do.

 

ALI nods and rushes off to the side of the theatre, setting her camera up as she does.

 

ELEANOR looks LIZ up and down as LIZ looks at her nervously.

 

ELEANOR  
Nice lipstick.

 

LIZ  
Oh, um, thanks. It's new.

 

ELEANOR  
Nice. It's really sexy.

 

ELEANOR smiles at her, and then walks off, sitting in the middle of the theatre, as LIZ turns her phone back on, looking in the camera again.

 

She takes a tissue out of her pocket and wipes the lipstick off, sighing to herself, as _“Summer Nights”_ ends.

 

JAMES laughs as he finishes singing the high note, looking at LIZ, who opens up one of her binders and starts to write.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Making Things About Yourself"

**THURSDAY, MAY 2ND, 15:41**

 

_“Born To Hand Jive” by Sha Na Na_ plays over shots of the city.

 

INT. STAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

 

The song continues to play as the cast - minus ESTHER - dance on the stage, all of them having a good time, as ALI films them from a distance.

 

LIZ watching them from the side of the stage, hiding herself behind the curtains, watching JAMES spin NICK around as they both laugh, RORI and BRIANNA dancing with SOPHIE and TARA, mid-conversation. LIZ bites her lip, isolated.

 

She shakes herself, putting on a small smile, and walks to a table behind her, picking up some sheet music. She flicks through it, and then stops, confused.

 

LIZ  
Shit.

 

She quickly walks off, towards a door leading away from the stage.

 

INT. BACKSTAGE, SALLIS BENNEY THEATRE

 

The song continues, muffled, as LIZ walks down a hallway, talking at a level volume.

 

LIZ  
Esther? Esther, I think someone took some of my sheet music. Esther?

 

The music fades out as LIZ gets further away, being replaced by two voices that gets louder the more LIZ walks.

 

ESTHER [O.S.]  
Why won’t you talk to me about this?

 

SANDY [O.S.]  
Because it’s weird! And I just-- I don’t want to talk about this. Not just with you, but with anyone.

 

ESTHER [O.S.]  
But we have to. Sandy, you’re my girlfriend. If I’m making you unhappy, I want to know.

 

SANDY [O.S.]  
You’re not, you’re really not! It’s not your fault, it’s mine.

 

ESTHER [O.S.]  
What do you mean?

 

There’s a pause as LIZ turns a corner and quickly steps back. She looks around the corner and into the closet full of old props and set pieces where ESTHER and SANDY are standing. LIZ looks back, knowing she should just walk away, but some morbid curiosity makes her stay.

 

SANDY  
It’s just… I’m meant to be happy, aren’t I? This is the happily ever after part of it, right? 

 

ESTHER nods.

 

SANDY  
But… I can’t stop thinking about…  _ Him _ . How he treated me, what he would say, would do, and… Fuck, I miss him. I shouldn’t miss him but I do. 

 

ESTHER  
As I said, it’s your compulsory--

 

SANDY  
I know! You said we were talking, not having a fucking therapy session!

 

ESTHER nods, looking down, as SANDY sits down opposite her, ESTHER then sitting down too.

 

LIZ remains standing as she watches them, nervously biting her lip as there’s a pause.

 

ESTHER  
So… Talk.

 

SANDY  
I… I really like you. I do, honestly. But I’m really scared. Of what people say, what people do, what they think. I just-- I want to be happy. And I am when I’m with you, but I’m always thinking and thinking, and… I just want to be able to hold your hand when we walk together, but I’m… A fucking coward, I guess.

 

ESTHER  
You’re-- You’re not. I know how hard it is, when you first start--

 

SANDY  
No. Esther, you don’t know what this is like. I know it’s been six months or so, but… I still feel like it was only yesterday I left him. Every time I think about him, I feel so weak. Like he still controls me, even though I’m… with you now.

 

ESTHER nods again, as LIZ bites her lip, closing her eyes, holding back something.

 

SANDY  
And… Fuck, this is hard. 

 

ESTHER  
It’s okay, just say whatever you’re feeling.

 

SANDY nods.

 

SANDY  
And… Whenever I think about us… Doing stuff, I just think about him and how we did stuff and how terrible it was, and I don’t want you to feel terrible, and I just… I feel so guilty every time we kiss, every time we touch when someone can see us. Like it’s some crime, when I know it isn’t. We live in such a good place for people like us. So why I am so afraid?

 

ESTHER sighs as LIZ wipes away her tears.

 

ESTHER  
Sandy… I don’t know what to tell you. It’s been so long, I don’t… I mean, I do understand why you feel this way, but… Shouldn’t you be over it by now?

 

SANDY  
Excuse me?

 

ESTHER  
I mean, do… Do you not love me? Is that the problem?

 

SANDY  
What?

 

ESTHER  
Because you seem to be pretty comfortable touching Sophie in public. 

 

SANDY laughs humourlessly, nodding.

 

SANDY  
Is this what this is about? You think I like Sophie?

 

ESTHER  
Why shouldn’t I?

 

SANDY  
I liked her ages ago.

 

ESTHER  
Last year. That’s not ages, that’s pretty close, if you ask me.

 

SANDY  
Esther--

 

ESTHER  
If you could cheat on Bryan with me, you could cheat on me with Sophie.

 

There’s a long pause as SANDY stands up and starts to walk out, LIZ jumping back to avoid being seen. ESTHER gets up after her and grabs her arm, SANDY yanking it away.

 

SANDY  
Don’t do that. Just…

 

She sighs, pausing. 

 

SANDY  
I think we should take a break. Until we realise what… Whatever the fuck is happening.

 

 

ESTHER  
Sandy--

 

SANDY  
I love you. But I need time to think.

 

SANDY walks out of the closet and turns the corner to see LIZ, still crying.

 

SANDY  
Liz? What are you doing?

 

LIZ  
I…

 

ESTHER follows SANDY out and looks at LIZ, sighing. SANDY looks back at ESTHER and quickly walks away down the hallway. As soon as the door closes, ESTHER whips her head around to LIZ, who still hasn't regained control of herself.

 

ESTHER  
Did you hear what we were saying?

 

LIZ  
I’m sorry.

 

ESTHER  
Fuck… Just-- Don’t tell anyone for now. Please, I-- I just... 

 

She trails off and LIZ nods.

 

LIZ  
Okay… 

 

There’s a short pause as they all look at each other.

 

LIZ  
I’m bisexual.

 

ESTHER sighs, laughing, but she's on the verge of tears.

 

ESTHER  
Liz, no offence, but save it, okay? I don’t need you making things about yourself again right now.

 

ESTHER walks off behind LIZ, towards the stage , leaving LIZ alone in the corner, taking a tissue out of her pocket and cleaning her face again.

 

She looks down at the tissue and sees the mess of makeup and tears. She gets out her phone and looks at herself in the camera, putting on a smile, trying way too hard.

 

LIZ  
Fuck.

She turns her phone off and stands there for a moment, trying to make her breathing more calm, trying way too hard. It doesn't work at all.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "I'm Disappointing Them"

**FRIDAY, MAY 3RD, 16:03**

 

INT. MUSIC ROOM, BACA

 

LIZ sits at the piano, playing _“Sandy” from Grease_. She's playing perfectly, but her mind seems to be somewhere else, a sad look on her face.

 

After a short while, there’s a knock at the door and LIZ jumps and stops playing.

 

LIZ  
Who’s there?

 

JAMES walks in, in PE clothes, smiling widely.

 

JAMES  
Hey.

 

LIZ  
Oh, hey.

 

She sighs, reading over her sheet music as JAMES looks at her, concerned.

 

JAMES  
You okay?

 

LIZ  
Yeah, just-- Just stressed from the show, it’s fine.

 

JAMES nods, the look of concern not going away.

 

JAMES  
Look… Can we talk? Like, serious, actual talking?

 

LIZ  
[sighs] Fuck…

 

LIZ starts to put her sheet music away, shoving it messily into her bag.

 

JAMES  
What?

 

LIZ  
It’s just-- This is it, right? 

 

JAMES  
What are you talking about?

 

LIZ  
You’re going to break up with me now for some fucking reason and ignore me, just like you ignored Rori, because you’re a fuckboy and fuckboys never change, and this was all just a bad idea and--

 

JAMES  
Elizabeth.

 

LIZ stops, her sheet music crumpled in her hand, as JAMES takes it and smooths it out, placing it on top of the piano.

 

JAMES  
Elizabeth, what’s this about? Is it because I came on too strong? Look, I-- I didn’t mean to, I just really like you and I want to tell you--

 

LIZ  
It isn’t about that! It’s because you were a total dick to my best friend!

 

JAMES sighs, running a hand through his hair.

 

JAMES  
I already apologised to Rori, she said that it was okay. And it was ages ago, she’s probably forgotten about it.

 

LIZ  
Well, she has an eating disorder now, so I doubt she forgot.

 

There’s a long pause, as JAMES processes this and LIZ closes her eyes, regretting saying that.

 

JAMES  
She… What?

 

LIZ  
Yeah… I mean, she’s always been exercising a lot, but she does it so much now. And she’s barely eating and… Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about you, I’m just… I’m mad about something else.

 

JAMES  
Okay…

 

There’s another pause as they avoid looking at each other.

 

JAMES  
Is… Is there anything I could do to help?

 

LIZ  
I don’t know. I don’t even know how I can help her. I mean, I try, but… 

 

There’s yet another pause, LIZ putting her sheet music into her school bag as JAMES stares at his feet.

 

JAMES  
It’s late. I-- I mean late to be staying at school.

 

LIZ looks at him.

 

LIZ  
Yeah. It is.

 

JAMES  
I was running. That’s why… I’m here. Sports… Um, do you want to walk home together?

 

LIZ  
No.

 

There’s another pause.

 

JAMES  
Hey?

 

LIZ  
Yeah?

 

JAMES  
Why don’t you want me to meet your parents?

 

LIZ nervously laughs for a little but too long.

 

LIZ  
You don’t need to know my parents to know me. Besides, I haven’t met  _ your  _ family. And you never even talk about them, so…

 

JAMES  
You want me to talk? I’ll talk.

 

JAMES sits on the windowsill and sighs, as LIZ watches him.

 

JAMES  
I… I don’t see much of my family nowadays. I actually live on my own, you know… 'Cause they kicked me out.

 

LIZ's eyes widen as JAMES laughs a little, humourlessly.

 

JAMES  
The only reason I’m not broke is because they give me money. They give me money so I don’t tell people about the shit they did to me, and… And because they don’t want to be associated with me. Which is why I changed my surname to Cohen. Also because I always wanted a more Jewish name, but that's not really what we're talking about. 

JAMES laughs again, more nervously. LIZ shifts around uncomfortably, looking for something to say.

 

JAMES  
I see them once a year, just for them to… See I’m still alive. Still holding up my end of the deal. Every time I go, I’m so sure I’m going to rub my amazing life in their faces, but… I mean, I’m sixteen. They kicked me out when I was thirteen. I don’t know what they expect from me, but… At least I’m disappointing them in a fun way.

 

LIZ still can't find the words as JAMES looks around, nervously messing with his hair.

 

LIZ  
Why… Um, why did they kick you out?

 

JAMES  
That’s actually what I wanted to tell you today, um… Shit.

 

He takes a deep breath and looks her in the eyes.

 

JAMES

I’m transgender.

 

LIZ  
Oh… So, you’re… You want to be a girl?

 

JAMES laughs.

 

JAMES  
No, no. That's pretty outdated to say, but... Well, I’m a guy, but…

 

LIZ  
But you were  _ born  _ a girl.

 

JAMES  
I… Yeah, but not really.

 

LIZ  
What do you mean?

 

JAMES  
It’s like-- I wasn’t  _ born  _ a girl, I was born a boy, I was just told I was a girl because some doctor looked at me and said “Yep, has to be a girl!”. I hate it when people say shit like “you used to be a girl” or ask me about my “real biological” name or my fucking genitals, because like… Why do you need to know? That's why I choose not to come out to anyone I know in person. And I pass well enough, I am on testosterone and shit, so... I mean, being stealth isn't as bad as being completely closeted, but it still feels shitty. Like I have this whole part of me that I can't talk about because if I do, I risk... Fuck, and I like being masculine, but if my cis guy friends knew I was trans, they would just stop liking me. I'm literally the same person I was before, and just... Sorry for ranting, I'm just sick of shit like that, ‘cause when I come out online, there’s people telling me whether they would fuck me or not, when that wasn’t even on the table, people being obsessed with whether my parents accepted me or not, and when I refuse to answer, they always try to talk more about it, like some fucking therapists and just… Yeah. Sorry for… That. It’s just… It’s hard keeping it all in, ‘cause so few people know.

 

There’s a short pause.

 

LIZ  
Who, um… Who else knows?

 

JAMES  
Nick. And Theo. He's trans too, more open, you know, all flags and shit, you've seen him, so… They were the only people, until… Rori.

 

LIZ  
Rori? As in my friend Rori?

 

JAMES  
Yeah.

 

LIZ takes a moment, thinking.

 

LIZ  
So, all of those times she talked about how big your dick was…

 

JAMES bursts into laughter, as LIZ joins him.

 

LIZ  
It-- It was all a lie?

 

JAMES  
I mean… I paid good money for that strap on, so... 

 

LIZ looks scandalised as they continue laughing, eventually stopping.

 

LIZ  
So… Why did you come out to her?

 

JAMES  
She wanted me to take her virginity "properly". And, honestly? I wanted to do it too.

 

LIZ  
But what about… All of the others?

 

JAMES  
I either went down on them or did stuff that didn’t involve me doing… [gestures to his crotch] Any of that.

 

LIZ  
Why not?

 

JAMES  
I just… I’m not really interested in feeling good. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, it's just-- You're my girlfriend, I think you deserve to know about this kind of stuff, and--

 

LIZ  
It's fine. My mother talks about this stuff all the time.

 

JAMES laughs, LIZ trying to laugh along.

 

JAMES  
Seriously? That must be fun.

 

There’s a pause as he stops laughing, both of them just looking at each other.

 

JAMES  
So… There it is. The big reason why my parents hate me.

 

LIZ  
Yeah… You know, I actually find that hard to believe.

 

JAMES looks at her, confused and ready to be hurt.

 

LIZ  
No, not the trans thing! The… I just can’t believe that someone couldn’t… Love you.

 

JAMES laughs nervously, covering his face with his hands. When he looks up at LIZ again, he’s crying.

 

JAMES  
So, um… Your turn.

 

LIZ  
What?

 

JAMES  
Just-- Talk about something. Like your family. I’m sure they can’t be as bad as mine.

 

They both nervously laugh as there’s a short pause.

 

LIZ  
So… My parents are both doctors. My father’s a psychiatrist, my mother’s a sexologist. That’s pretty much all they care about. Their work and their... You know, their sex life. They overshare and their offices are in the fucking house, I mean… Their clients will literally be in the front hall when I get home from school. 

 

She nervously laughs, her voice breaking a bit.

 

LIZ  
They're so focused on having everything be perfect. They want me to be perfect. They want Mary to be perfect, and I don’t want her to want herself to be perfect. Mary’s my little sister, by the way. I just… I want her to be a normal kid. I don’t want her to deal with the shit I have to deal with, you know. Mum constantly telling her the best new diets, Dad always asking about grades and making her study until she has paper cuts on every finger, both of them... They're nice, but... Not to us. Well, not to me. She just… I don't want Mary to... She doesn’t deserve to feel like 99% is the same thing as a failure. She deserves to feel like she’s worth something, every second of every day.

 

There’s a pause, as LIZ starts to cry as well.

 

JAMES  
Elizabeth, you know you’re worth a lot, right?

 

LIZ  
You don’t have to say that.

 

JAMES  
I’m not just saying it. I mean it. I really care about you.

 

LIZ  
I… I really care about you too. And that scares me. And… Fuck, I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through all of that.

 

JAMES  
It's okay.

 

There’s a pause, and LIZ gets up from the piano and walks over to the windowsill, hugging JAMES tightly. He returns the hug quickly, both of them leaning into each other. After a few long moments, she lets him go.

 

LIZ  
I… I don’t think I’m ready for you to meet my parents yet, but… You could meet my sister?

 

JAMES  
Yeah! Yeah, that sounds really nice.

 

LIZ stands on her tiptoes and kisses him on the forehead. They both laugh a little as she returns to her normal height.

 

LIZ  
Hey… Would this be a weird time to tell you that I’m bi?

 

JAMES  
Um, is that because I told you I’m…

 

LIZ  
No! No, it’s just… I’m not… I knew a couple of weeks ago, and I wanted to tell you. It’s hard saying it, but like… I’m trying. I just don’t want people to think I’m like all of that shit you hear, you know?

 

JAMES  
Yeah, I get it. It was really hard for me too, sexuality wise, ‘cause I already have the whole gender thing going on.

 

LIZ nods, as there are footsteps in the hallway outside.

 

JAKE [O.S.]  
I mean, is this shit even legal?

 

BRYAN [O.S.]  
Why? You scared?

 

JAKE [O.S.]  
No! I just don’t want to kill the guy.

 

BRYAN [O.S.]  
We’re just fucking him up a little. Some payback, you know?

 

JAKE [O.S.]  
Jesus, how much more payback do you need?

 

BRYAN laughs, as a door opens and closes, _"Your Best American Girl" by Mitski_ beginning to play. The voices and footsteps getting further away as LIZ looks at JAMES, too scared to talk.

 

JAMES looks back at her and nervously smiles, the same smile we're used to seeing. LIZ shakes her head and hugs him again, the smile falling from his face as soon as her head in buried in his shoulder.

 

LIZ's eyes are screwed up tight as her mouth remains a straight line. Her body's shielding JAMES from the door, which remains closed tight. 

 

Through the window, we see BRYAN and JAKE walk past, JAKE looking uncomfortable as BRYAN has his arm around him, JAMES not daring to look back as LIZ opens her eyes and glares at them, looking directly into the camera.

 

_ CUT TO END CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES _

 

_ CUT TO BLACK _


End file.
